This is the story of our first teacher
   Shetland made her jumpers
   And the devil made her features
   Threw up her hands when my mum said our names
   Embroidered all her stories with slanderous claims
   it's over and done with
  
   This is the story of losing my virginity
   I held my breath and the bed held a trinity
   People I'm making no claims to no mystery
   But sometimes it feel like
   My sex lifes all history
   I'm not saying these events didn't
   Touch our lives in any way
   But, ah, they didn't make the impression
   That some people say
  
   This is the story of watching a man dying
   The subjects unpopular
   But I don't feel like lying
   When I think of it now I acted like a sinner
   I just washed my hands
   Then I went for my dinner.