[Slug]
   (I pledge allegiance to Budweiser and free drugs)
   Peace to Rick James, Anna Nicole Smith, Bill Clinton
   and Motley Crue
   And anyone else who has ever utilized their 15 minutes
   of fame to realize their true dreams of being an
   absolute jerk off, just to keep the masses entertained
   This goes out to learning from the mistakes of others
  
   Bring it on now
   Come on
   I said come on
   I said come on
  
   [Verse 1]
   They call me a jerk, once they get to know me
   But they don't stop calling, they read me well
   It's no work if I was phony, I'd win a trophy
   Who needs to make records when there's seeds to sell
   Freak the bell, and make it all spin crooked
   God please help, too much grim to look at
   Grab the tree by the limb and shook it
   Like, "Have you seen my self esteem, where the hell'd you put it?"
   Oh wait, never mind, I found it in a bottle
   Drunk at the Troubadour talking to a model
   Wrecked the rental on Santa Monica Boulevard
   I was headed to the El Rey to slap a security guard
  
   [Chorus]
   Rowdy, stubborn, loud and arrogant
   As American as apple pie and embarrassment
   Package the kid's face, put it on display
   Look ma!, another national disgrace
   Dumb and ignorant, drunk and belligerent
   Open up your heart y'all, come on and let me in
   Package the kid's face, put it on display
   Look ma!, another national disgrace
  
   [Verse 2]
   The liquor gets hold of the head liver's soul
   Blurry on Sixth Street and Red River Road
   Last thing I remember was the Ogden Theatre
   Backstage bathroom making out with all three of ya
   Kicked out of Topcats... for where I put the vomit at
   Finally passed out in a laundry mat
   Malnourished and topless, slurring and obnoxious
   Like, "Yo, we got this!"
   The Zodiac Killers 'bout to rock this
   At the Great American Music Hall, pissin on the box office
   Pick apart the detail, alcohol and females
   All around the world same song
   Houseton and Ludlow, Maxfish, Vampire
   You poor the beer and I'll bring the satire
   No prob, I'll play the part of doorknob and make it look
   so good you're gonna wish that it was your job
  
   [Chorus]
  
   [Verse 3]
   It's all about the hangovers, and late checkouts
   Maid banging on the door like, "Wake up! Get Out!"
   But Come on mami, y'all probably don't want me comin'
   out like a Zombie brushing teeth in the lobby
   This is a career, not a hobby
   Ain't no reason to fear what you wanna see
   Hey paparazzi, don't you wanna watch me quote the
   Fonzi and then crash his Mazaradi?
   Sweat pants, t-shirt, mesh hat, blue blockers
   Feeding checked in to a room full of teenie boppers
   Howdy neighbor, take a shot for flavor
   Let's debate whether or not we should punch the waiter
   I'm just kidding, let's love each other
   It goes lick, swallow, suck, and order another
   Do what you like, don't nobody care
   It's a sign of success only in America
  
   [Chorus]
  
   (Chorus End): [4x]
   I didn't cooome to start no trouble or hurt no one
   I'm just heeere to get drunk, party, and have some fun