He's a serious Mister
   shake his hand and he'll twist your arm
   with monopoly money
   we'll be buying the funny farm
   So I'll do flips,
   and get paid in chips
   from a diamond as big as the Ritz--
   then I'm calling it quits
  
   Eyes the color of candy
   lies to cover the handicap
   though your slippers are ruby
   you'll be led to the booby trap
   And there's no prize,
   just a smaller size
   so I'm wearing the shoe til it fits--
   then I'm calling it quits
  
   Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds
   cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines
   lifting dialogue from Judy Garland storylines
   where get-tough girls turn into goldmines
  
   But oh, those polaroid babies
   taking chances with rabies
   happy to tear me to bits--
   well, I'm calling it quits
   Yes, I'm calling it quits.