Couple of guys sittin' around drinkin'
  Down at the Starlight Bar
  One of 'em says, "You know I've been thinking"
  Other one says, "That won't get you too far"
  He says, "This is your life, and welcome to it
  It's just workin' and drinkin' and dreams
  Ad on TV says 'Just Do It'
  Hell if I know what that means"
    The secret of life is a good cup of coffee
  The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball
  The secret of life is a beautiful woman
  And Marilyn stares down from the barroom wall
    "You and me, we're just a couple of zeros
  Just a couple of down-and-outs
  But movie stars and football heroes
  What have they got to be unhappy about?"
  So they turn to the bartender, "Sam, what do you think?
  What's the key that unlocks that door?"
  Sam don't say nothin', just wipes off the bar
  And he pours them a couple more
    'Cause the secret of life is in Sam's martinis
  The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes
  The secret of life is in Monday Night Football
  Rolling Stones records and Mom's apple pie
    Sam looks up from his Sunday paper
  Says, "Boys, you're on the wrong track
  The secret of life is there ain't no secret
  And you don't get your money back"
  Hey
    The secret of life is gettin' up early
  The secret of life is stayin' up late
  The secret of life is try not to hurry
  But don't wait
  Don't wait
    The secret of life is a good cup of coffee
  The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball
  The secret of life is to find the right woman
  The secret of life is nothin' at all
  Oh, it's nothin' at all
  The secret of life
    Couple of guys sittin' around drinkin'
  Down at the Starlight Bar
  One of 'em says, "You know I've been thinking"
  Other one says, "That won't get you too far"
  "That won't get you too far"