Mother, Father, I'm here in the zoo
  I can't come home 'cause I've grown up too soon
  I got my sentence
  I got my command
  They said they'd make me major if I met all their demands
  I could be a corp'ral into corp'ral punishment
  Or the gen'ral manager of a large establishment
  They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
  But I never thought they'd put me in the
  
  Goon squad
  They've come to look you over and they're giving you the eye
  Goon squad
  They want you to come out to play
  You'd better say goodbye
  
  Some grow just like their dads
  And some grow up too tall
  Some go drinking with the lads
  Some don't grow up at all
  
  And you must find the proper place
  For everything you see
  But you'll never get to make a lampshade out of me
  
  I could join a chain of males or be the missing (a) link
  Looking for a lucky girl to put me in the pink
  They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
  But I never thought they'd put me in the
  
  Good squad ....
  
  Mother, Father, I'm doing so well
  I'm making such progress now that you can hardly tell
  I fit in a little dedication
  With one eye on the clock
  They caught you under medication
  You could be in for a shock
  
  Thinking up the alibis that ev'ryone's forgotten
  Just another mummy's boy gone to rotten
  They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
  But I never thought they'd put me in the
  
  Goon squad....